I have no idea what I have been doing...
Exams are like less than 3 weeks but I have not been doing anything much. Haven't really started studying. Just finishing up tutorials that's all.
It seems like I need to buck up, stop doing things I should not do or waste time unnecessarily.
I'm watching Z Chen's concert tmr in school. Free ticket anyway.
Make my presence known
I am still alive...
Speechless...
The confidence level has taken another deep plunge.
I hope I can recover soon enough.
Although I know grades are not everything, but I tend to equate grades to ability to perform.
I really need to recover real soon.
Down on luck...
Lady luck hasn't been smiling at me for these days. Haven't been doing quite well. It's like there, but not there.
Anyway, I have learnt one thing. The higher you climb, the harder you fall. Aim what is realistic or maybe just a little higher, and when you achieved it, aim the next higher yet plausible step, and strive for it. Do not aim too high, or you fall just like me.
Haiz...
I shan't put my hopes too high...
That's what my friend told me. Well it's not about my studies.
It's something else.
Well, I think I'm alright with it. Time is not right and maybe, everything else is not that right as well.
Me, beating around the bush? Isn't that what I do best? Ha!
Maybe I'll just be a monk.
*No link*
I shall aim for my studies then.
Feeling kinda weird
I know I have been posting really down posts recently. But I can't help it. Really feeling not that good. But since now, all the tests are done, (except for the weekly test), I am feeling much better.
Have this kinda weird emotions in me. Well, its not bad, but I don't know how to put it into words.
Haven't had this feeling for quite sometime.
Hmmm.
Losing myself
I can't seem to be doing anything right these few days. The reasons for me to work hard seem to be not as convincing. I seem to have less confidence of myself in whatever I do.
Seriously, I do not know how long I can hold on.
I need to find a new aim in life to drive me on.
Hidden weapons of destruction
Although on the surface, it is not obvious that people from my class are actually very competitive, as it seems that people do still circulate reports and answers around, however, there are people who have been very quiet and silent, but hard at work when not seen by the rest of the class. How do I know? How do you think these guys are scoring damn high marks for tests and being so intelligent during tutorial classes? Not only words that are exchanged during conversations among my class people. Underlying meanings do come with these apparently very humble and harmless words.
And for those people who share and being real, they are the good ones. But, with the exception of a couple, they are not doing as well as the others. And if they are real, and they do well, then it's good for them.
I think I am going nuts. It's like I'm going insane with these thoughts which might be not true in my mind.
Well, I rejected going out with Jie Jiun and gang today, and the reason I gave was that I was not in the mood. I wasn't, really. Knowing that you won't do well in the 2 tests next week, and uncompletion of a lab report, which went so wrong, you won't really want to go out.
But I want. I really do think I'm going mad. Thinking things that might not have happened.
I am neglecting my acappella group. Although I still do go for practises, I am like doing nothing for my part as a music director.
And one more thing. I am not concentrating hard enough. There are many distractions and my work is not being done.
I need to relax and be happy.
I hope I will still stay sane after the 4 year course.
It's done for now.
Well, my mid terms are sorta over for now. But my weekly test is still on, and there's an organic chemistry test next week, and tons of undone tutorials.
Freedom is still beyond my reach.
I don't care. I'm going out tomorrow.
