Life certainly has its own ups and downs. The week that has just past was a terrible one. I really felt that my work life has hit a low, probably because of the project and the ever demanding client I am dealing with. It has really made me feel if I was suitable for this kind of job at all.
But the work has also made me think what kind of person I am. Am i someone who will back up and quit when difficulties arise? Am I not able to take hardship, stay back late and just cry when more work comes?
While feeling stressed and upset with the actual work, I was thinking my attitudes at the same time. Is it because I don't really like the work I am doing and that makes me feel the what I feel? Or it's just my attitude that I have to change and things won't work out well if my negative attitude towards work do not rectify.
But what I do know is that I must do something, and quick, either to change my attitude, or to find something I think I am suitable in. I need to find that kind of energy that made me feel better when I faced the same kind of depression during my university days. At those times, somehow I wasn't really doing well in my studies, and my grades were going down the drain like no one's business. I was depressed, running away from my friends after the examinations, because I knew I just couldn't myself with them. But somehow, I tweaked my attitude, or thinking, and although my grades did not top the cohort, but I certainly did well enough (in my own terms) and things just got better.
I was talking to Siandy on Friday night, (we met up for dinner), and I guessed she was right in certain ways. Work isn't everything and my results in work were not to judge what kind of person I was.
I guessed I just need to try my best, and yet do not expect the best outcome in the things I do. And if the outcome is good, that will be a bonus. I also think I should not be so afraid of working hard and late (though I feel I have worked quite hard already), but it certainly needs time to get used to that thinking.
I still fear what's to come on Monday, but I guess I have to face it anyhow.
Thanks to the peeps who have talked to me during these few days. Appreciated.
I haven't had the time to post about KL since I came back on Saturday night. Well in short, it's a lot of shopping and cheap food. Photos will be up soon in FB I hope.
It's been a crazy week at work, especially on Thursday where I have a crazy meeting from 9am to 6.30pm. Beat that man. And have to work till about 9pm. And on Friday, despite the crazy tummyache in the morning, I have to go to work and work till 7pm though I am supposed to end work at 12.30pm. And still, I have to bring some work back to finish. And I am not talking about a mega project I am working on. Oh well. That's life I supposed.
Today's Halloween. I was supposed to have find some costumes to go to any clubs to have some fun. But plans changed. I guess it will just be a normal Saturday night for me.
Working so hard and not feeling well at the same time (on Friday) made me think a bit. I realised that I really have to take care of myself and no one would show any concern at all. I smsed my boss that I'll be slightly late for work due to frequent visit to the toilet, but still I have to clear as much work.
I am really such a wimp who always needs so much attention and concern and I think I really need to realise that only me who show concern for myself and I am only one who will take care of myself.
It's bye bye to Sunday and the beloved weekend, and bye bye to ya guys. I will be out of town for a week in KL, and will be back on Saturday. I really hope it will be a great trip.
I don't know why, but I feel especially thoughtful, often with a tinge of blues, when I am at home for the whole day, and especially on a Saturday night.
I just watched a movie called Fever Pitch on TV. It's a romance film with the cast led by Drew Barrymore and Jimmy Fallon. The movie is about how Drew's character, a strong career woman, in the process of finding love, happened to meet Jimmy's character, a high school teacher. Being a career-minded woman, she was always busy and on her phone, strong willed, ambitious, and always had the will to win, and that's why she hadn't found the guy who could match up to her. So it's actually how interesting she fell in love with a lower income teacher. But the catch is, besides being the one earning lesser, the guy had a great addiction to being a die hard baseball fan. Everything in his life was about Red Sox, the baseball team he's crazy about. Well you can go watch the movie if you want more details.
What I wanted to point out is how 2 very different people come together to put aside the differences, to accomodate with each other's passion, to lovee and live with each other. It ain't easy and there were many times where they almost blew their relationship off. But the girl was able to learn to appreaciate the sport and accompany the guy to the matches even she was really busy. And the guy eventually decided to sell off the best seat in the stadium to prove his love.
A relationship requires a lot of tolerance and compromise between the 2 parties, often which the reluctance to give in by any side will result in quarrels or even worse. That made me think, if I could really give in or sacrifice the things I like if I fall in love, or even anyone out there in the world who is willing to sacrifice the things she love for me. I really can't imagine myself doing that, or think that anyone will do that for me.
Maybe that's why I am single.
In addition, I have a lot of criteria and standards. Maybe too many.
I really don't know if I will end up in a relatioship eventually. And I don't really want to think much about it.
But it can be quite lonely sometimes.
I am flying off on Monday, but I haven't planned much, still.
Good engineer, good worker, high flyer, rich person, entrepeneur, a cappella singer, superstar, party animal, tuition teacher, youtube-made-famous singer, marathon runner, fitness buff, good looker, obedient son, endearing lover, composer, arranger, good friend, traveller, photographer, design artist, TV junkie, movie reviewer, song reviewer, slacker, famous blogger.
Do you feel that some times, you want to assume many roles, but in the end you do nothing at all? You will say you do not have time for all these things, but when you do have the time, it was spent on something else totally irrelevant that is a total waste of time?
The weekend is almost over and it appears I haven't achieved much.
Well at least time is well spent with the JC band peeps.
But at the other time, I began to think what I have done?
I need to settle my thoughts and start focusing on the things I NEED to do, and not just WANT to do.
This song has been in my head for quite a while since my friend introduced to me last week or so. There aren't many lyrics but I guess it's the catchy tune that caught me.
Every week, I just can't wait for the week to come by quickly, especially this week. It's a rather demoralizing week for me. Well, I can only say the incentives of working aren't as attractive.
Anyway, I met up with Siandy and Gary last night and we indeed had a good chat. I never felt that such meetups are a waste of time as we can catch up with each other and update what we have been doing. And also we managed to catch up the lives of other friends. For instance, now I know that one of my JC mates has become a jounalist with Bloomberg. Unbelieveable right? Haha!
Anyway, something to share with you guys. If you want to rip DVD to your Ipod or Iphone or PSP, you usually have to purchase a software to do it. But now Winx DVD is giving it for free till end Sept, so grab it before the end of the month.
Meanwhile, enjoy the weekend.
PS: It's the F1 Singapore Grand Prix weekend, but I don't feel the mood besides the loads of people in town. How I wish I have tickets to the race, or any of the concerts or be invited for any of the parties. But then again, I am just a nobody.
