Complicated
All my life, I thought that I just want to be a simple person, and I thought I am a simple person. Probably Singapore education system has guided us in a way that I do not have to think much of the otherwise. If I want to go to University, I just have to go to Junior College and ace my examinations. If I want to take up Engineering, I just need to the take the correct subject combinations. It did look simple. The difficult part is just acing the examinations and the life after that.And now, I am working in an Engineering company, dealing with complicated engineering work, with demands I don't really know how to handle, with technical knowledge that I never know existed, and the complexity of requirements of my work. Probably I ain't that smart after all, to able to think why a valve is required or why the pump flowrate is 20 cubic meters per hour and not 200. And probably I am not patient enough to look at the thousand and one NFPA codes to understand what standards are required for the design of the firewater system. In my view, the life has become complicated.
Or is it me, and my wrong mentality, that make the things around me seem ain't simple. Is it me that complicated the simplicity of the work?
Simplicity isn't as simple as it seems. And such complexity has really tied me down and my emotions. I do not face the world with a great smile anymore. I do not do the things I used to love to do. And any other work unrelated stuff seems so dreadful as well.
Life is not that simple after all.
Probably it is the lonliness of being at home on a Saturday that such melancholy resurfaces again. Probably it is the absence of a loved one to understand, to company and to share such melancholy thoughts and to provide another point of positive view. Probably I am just thinking too much.
I always think why am I such a loser, who knows nothing but to just complain about such unhappiness and do nothing about it?
That's the way I am, I guess.
And I just realise some of the above thoughts do not make any logical sense. They are just random thoughts that appear.
I am going for a 42km run tomorrow. I hope I will survive.
Hopefully the next post will be happier.
