Care
Yes, besides your own parents and some grandparents, no one else would really care for you. Well, some friends would show some sort of listening ear when they feel that something is not right, but they can't and won't be there forever. And sometimes, no one even detects the presence of your despair.
All these years, I yearn for people around me to have care for me or at least cheer me up when I am down. But there are so many times, I just don't know who to turn to. People around will be like, just grow up and care for yourself.
How true.
I need to just grow up and take care of my own feelings and well being. No one would pay attention to what I need or support when I just need it. They have so many other things better to do or people who needs more help.
Yes, I may live in my own self pity, but thats the way it is.
But I have learnt, after so much disappointment, that I have to take care of myself, most importantly, mentally and emotionally. If not who will?
Maybe after all these years of telling myself in times of sadness, that it is ok and just pick myself up, that tomorrow will be a better day, I have become immune to the fact that I still do need some kind of external support. Maybe I am just living in my own comfort and my own self pity that this will be it forever.
When down time comes, I will just feel very very upset for the moment, then comes the nothingness, and then I tell myself again that it's alright.
And when even worse time comes, the most is I find some friends, talk about it, go home. They will forget what just happened. For me, maybe I will, maybe I won't.
Seriously, who would bother when they have other things better to do?
And it doesn't matter that the sentences do not link to each other or make sensible sense. Because my thoughts don't too.
Labels: life
Optimisim
As simple as it seems or looks, it is something not easily achievable. It is actually looking at the same thing that the rest of the world look at, but somehow, that same thing appears to be more beautiful, prettier and very much brighter.
I ain't the most optimistic person around, and I believe many can tell. But I really do try to view situations with a more positive outlook. I really do try.
Somehow, it is not within me. I can be optimistic for a while, but after that, it seems that I get too tired to force myself to be that. I can't just think that everything that happens will be ok and good, and I just don't care for a while. And it really doesn't help when the people around aren't as much optimistic either.
Do we all live in a world of fear and pessismism so that we prepare ourselves if anything bad really do happen? But in the midst of that, do we just crumble and fall, even before anything happens as all.
I really try to be happy and look at the brigther side of things, but some times, the negative energy generated by people around, and the things that happen just don't help at all.
Last week was really a test of how positive I can get, admist the cancellation of my travelling trip, the lost of the money, the relocation of a good friend, the ever dreadful work.
I am just glad I still have one or two friends who just never let things bring them down.
I really must learn from them. And I think the key issue is: maybe just think simple. Things aren't always that complicated.
As I always will, I will try. But as it is now, I am not the most optimistic person around.
Labels: life
Staying
I am staying in Singapore and not going anywhere.
Don't ask why.
I'm Flying Off!!
Yup, in less than 40 hours time, I am off to Hong Kong for 5 days, and so before I leave this small island city to another city, just some quick updates.
Birthday weekend Sat: Had Korean food (Ju Shin Jung) at East Coast Road with Merv as its his birthday on Sat (min was Friday) and then off to Yellow Jellow (Retro Pub). Interesting encounter with a bride to be on her hen's party night.
Sun (19/04): Lunch with Primary School Gang at Baba King at Expo. Acceptable food. Then we went to Minds Cafe at Prinsep Street for some boardgames fun.
Last Fri: Met up with part Oops (Wailun and Amanda can't make it at the last minute) at Shoduku. But I have to cut short because of my stupid stomach giving me probs. But we are meeting soon again next week, aren't we?
Last Sat: Met up with Merv to discuss HK trip.
Today (May Day): Co-organised Company's Family Walk to the Southern Ridges and helped out. Took some photos along the walk. Meeting the once color-coordinated horn (plus 1 clarinet) gang at Tampines One later!!
On another note, I had my appraisal yesterday. It was alright, I guess. But I think I wouldn't hope much for a raise this year due to the gloom in the economy right now.
Well, I am just glad I still have my job!
Have a good Labour Day!!
Labels: life
