A Note to All My Angry Friends
This is what I have written on FB recently:
I admit. I am not the best person who can write beautifully, or someone who can directly translates what is in the mind to the words that are written. My words may be misunderstood, or may not exactly and necessarily reflect what I really mean. Yet, I wish to write this, a note to all the people around me, who are not happy, who just feel that everything is just not enough.
As much as I could, I try to be a listening ear to my friends, so that they can 'fa lao sao', venting out the stuff that they are bothering them, hoping that after doing that, they would be happier persons. Apparently, to my observations, many of my friends become less happy or worse, become angrier people. They are just not happy with the people around them, the stuff around, or basically just their lives.
I really wonder, are they really THAT unhappy? Where are the laughters we used to share? Where is that smile they used to hang on unconditionally? I am afraid that I'm also one of the victims, putting on a grim face once in a while, but I dare say, as much as possible, even though the posts on my social website profiles may look discouraging and these are actually written on impulse which usually do not last long, I try to be happy. I mean I do feel that, in my life, though not perfect, there are things and people I really do appreciate. But I really can't say that for my friends, because they really are perpectually unhappy most of the time.
I tried, to lend a listening ear, to ask them if they are ok, to ask them to think of the brighter side, to tell them that things may not seem as bad as it seems to be. But often then not, the responses I get are even grimmer faces, "rawr", "whatever", "maybe you are just green", "you won't understand", "ok". Hello?!? I am trying to help here. Would I bother if you are not my friend? I am not even asking for a 'thank you'.
Seriously, I don't mind lending a listening ear, to talk when any of you feel down, because I just hope by talking, one would feel better, one would feel that there is at least one friend around, and life will go on without dragging the unhappiness along your path.
One of my recent down posts has initiated messages to ask how I am. I really do appreciate these messages, but as I say in one of my replies, there are ups and downs in lives, and some people just need some time and space. And for me, with this time and space, I am sure I can get along with life, being a happier person.
One of them encouraged me to talk it out when I am bothered. Well, I did. But just when I started to talk about my state of emotions...
Me: "sian"
Friend: "tell me about sian man..." blah blah blah about his/her own unsatisfactions.
Me: "it's ok ... don't feel like going out"
Another Friend: "i tried to ask you out, but if you want to be down then go ahead..."
Those are just few examples. Sometimes I really do wish I have a listening ear.
I know my friends are trying to help me, but still... oh well. Let's put that aside.
Anyway, I am not trying to imply anything here. What I just want to say that, I really do want my friends around me to be happy. And there are a lot of reasons to be satisfied and happy amongst the many unhappniess stuff. At least, you have a family, you have your girlfriend, boyfriend, you have your nice friends, your have a shelter over your head, you have your health, you have a job, you have a country that is not going through war... Some of us might be missing one or two of the above things, but I am sure there are many other things to be happy about. And my friends' unhappiness do affect me, and the effects do sustain, as compared to stress from work (work is just work after all).
All I just hope is for you (my friends) to be chirpy and happy.
And if you are not, I will still be there if you need a listening ear.
I hope there's one for me and someone to tell me what I have written above when I am not happy.
Good night.
Labels: friends, life
I Need A Breather
With so many things happening (not in a good way) in my life, especially at home, and the dreadful load from the work, I really need to look forward towards something, so that there is some light in my life.
1. Movies
Although there are not many blockbusters this season, there are a few light hearted movies that hopefully can lightened me up a bit. Thanks to the CNY and V'day coinciding this year, there are few movies to catch.
Percy Jackson And The Lightning Thief 72 Tenants Of ProsperityValentine's DayLittle Big SoldierHot Summer DaysI doubt I will be watching all of them. I am lucky if I catch one or two of them.
2. iPhone
I have been wanting to get this phone (though it's over hyped), since a long time. Now I am just waiting for my contract to be up in April, call Singtel, demand vouchers (the last time I called, they only offer 50 bucks and the person on the other line sounds hostile).
3. Japan Trip
Yes I am going to Japan. Maybe I should read up more on Japan, look at more beautiful pictures, so that the anticipation to go to Japan will be more prominent. As of now, I am still quite chill about this trip.
4. Gatherings
Yes, there are some gatherings here and there. I must always remind myself that it is a fortunate thing to be have friends to meet up with, even if it's the same few, and reminisce the old times.
I hope these few things will keep me going, and be positive in such times. And I also hope my family will be well in these times.
Which reminds me that I need to go to temple soon.
Labels: family, feelings, friends, life
Friendship
The supposedly gathering of friends (and those who didn't turn up) make me think about friendship slightly deeper.
All I wanted to say that it aint easy that we can maintain friendships for so long, and it ain't easy to get people to meet up, especially when one has just returned from another country and don't when that person is going back again. Yes, I admit I was busy too during the week, and it didn't help when this week wasn't the best week ever.
And there is some hidden quarrel or misunderstanding going on between two. No one knows what really happen, but one is too afraid that the other party will be agitated, and thus the absence (I really don't know if the reasons of absense are for real).
I was about to give up getting people to meet up today. But all thanks to one, who is ever so chirpy and positive, who helped me get people to get together. Although he had wedding dinner to attend too, he still made the effort to get us together (though in the end there are three of us), meet us, send us back even after his dinner. Props to him.
Yes, we do feel upset with each other or with life. But its the friendship that helps us get going. The situation above DO sound complicated, but does friendship entail such complexity?
Again, it ain't easy maintaining this fateful relationship. I don't really wish to give it up, though the tireness and fatigue of work do make me neglect it for a while, but I really do try to make it up.
I don't know when will be the next meet up, and don't know who will be there.
I miss those time when we really had so much laughter together.
Probably, and hopefully, today is just one rare occasion.
Labels: friends
Starting Anew?
It’s already the 5th day of the New Year and I should feel excited, fresh, all ready to strive for 2009. But I am feeling all but that. I seriously need to clear my mind, and should think what I want to achieve for 2009, and not feel useless and complain about my current situation.
First, I need to have better communication with my colleagues. One reason why I enjoyed working at the previous company is because I can relate very well with the people whom I worked with, even though the work can be really monotonous. We can joke, laugh, feel pissed, and gossip among ourselves. That spiced up the boring working environment quite a bit. However, at my current company, I feel cold and lonely. Gone were the days where I was able to laugh, joke and tease like no one’s business. Maybe the current working environment is more appropriate as it is after all, a place of serious business. Anyway, I feel that I just don’t ‘click’ with the people around.
I am feeling all these probably because I have nothing much to do these few days. The projects I have done are finished, halted or handed to another colleague. To some, it’s a good thing after all to be able to take a break and not do anything. It may be good if this lasts for a couple of days, but it can get on your nerves when this carries on for a few weeks. The work I have been doing are all ad hoc and not related to my area of expertise.
Regarding the issue of being able to ‘click’ with my colleagues, I think I just have to step out of my comfort zone and start to communicate, be it work on non-work related stuff, more often. I really need to pick up a skill or two from Merv. He always seems to be able to click with his colleagues and the people around him.
Well, stepping out of the comfort zone and being pro-active will be one of my resolutions for 2009. But, how am I going to carry that out more specifically? I guess I just have to smile more, greet more and be more of myself.
Moody issues aside, it was quite a filled weekend for me. Last Friday, I met up with Derek to celebrate his birthday, together with Oops. Too bad Charmy couldn’t make it, but we indeed had a great time with the Mac’s Mega Challenge and the desserts at the Japanese restaurant at PS (can’t remember exactly the name). As usual, funny poses were struck, photos were taken and posted on facebook.
Saturday was really a busy day for me as I had to attend 2 weddings, one of which was my cousin’s and the other was Jason’s, my ex-colleague from ERM. Since I need to ‘open wedding car door’ for cousin, I need to reach his house at 6am. That is absolutely early, but I did get an angbow for good luck. Haha! Then by noon, I had to rush to Jason’s wedding lunch at Marina Mandarin. It was also a pleasant meet up with some of the ex colleagues from ERM. After lunch which ended at around 3.15pm. I went home to wash up and freshen up for the evening dinner banquet. I was supposed to help out as the reception for my cousin’s wedding banquet, thus I was there early. The whole dinner ended rather late, and by the time I reached home, I was totally bushed.
The two weddings I have attended on Saturday were quite different. The one at marina mandarin was grand and more western oriented, English love songs played over the sound system throughout the lunch. Whereas for my cousin’s wedding, it was Chinese oriented, where Chinese pop ballads were broadcasted, and there was even a mini karaoke session. The latter was something I haven’t seen at a wedding before.
Sunday was less busy, as I went for dinner with my friend at Tampines Sakae Teppanyaki. It was not bad, but not fantastic. Then we went to catch Ponyo at the Cliff by the Sea. It was actually quite good. It’s directed by Hayao Miyazaki, who also directed Japanese anime like My Neighbour Tontoro, Spirited Away and Howl’s Moving Castle. I enjoyed the magical, child-like and innocent feeling created in the movie. The drawings were much simpler and ‘cleaner’ as compared to Spirited Away, more similar to Totoro. It was also different from recent cartoons, and the pace was slower and yet the message was portrayed loud and clear. And the music is composed by Joe Hisaishi, who also writes the music for Totoro, Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke, and Tae Wang Sa Shin Gi (The Story of the First King's Four Gods, the drama series acted by Bae Yong Joon). I really recommend this if you haven’t had the chance to catch it.
This seems to be a really long blog, because I wrote this over a few hours, while doing other things as well. Anyway, my other resolution is whenever I want to sigh or say ‘haiz’, I will replace it with ‘haha’. So the next time if you catch me on MSN sighing on ‘haiz-ing’ away, remind me to change it to ‘haha’. This is one way to make me a more positive person!
Labels: emotions, feelings, friends, life, movie
2009 New Year Resolutions?
I think one of the new year resolutions that everyone should consider and make is to look back at the previous year's resolutions and make sure that most, if not all, of the resolutions have been fulfilled. I was looking through some of my friends' blogs and reading their resolutions for 2009. Then, I thought about mine. Nothing really struck me, but it is important to have something I want to achieve so that I will improve. I will think about that tomorrow (hopefully) as being in front of the television doesn't help to clear my mind to think about this carefully.
December has been a month of many gatherings, house parties, shopping and unsettled emotions. Christmas happens to be in the month of December, and that explains the shopping and all. The parties include the one at JJ's house with my NUS Chem Engin class, CN4A. And there was also the christmas chalet and BBQ at Pasir Ris PA Holiday Resort with my primary school gang. The last party was at Cheryl's house with my dear friends from Resonance. All these are captured in the photos in Facebook.
New year's eve was spent quite peacefully, with lunch with Siandy and dinner with Merv. The new year has a healthy start for me, as I went for a run in the morning.
After working for these few months, I really need to think if this engineering job suits me. Some of the people around told me that I should work for a longer period to really understand the nature of the job. Then again, I think, is it the company? The company is actually rather welfare already. Maybe it's the cold environment. I really need to think about this carefully.
Although I haven't really considered what I want to achieve for 2009, but I do know that I need to be more patient, have more determination, and not let the people affect the person I already am or change my personality. I need to be more assertive, and yet be more considerate. And most importantly, I need to have more self confidence.
Now, the issue is how I am going to achieve all that. I need clearer descriptions and directions.
Meanwhile, just let me watch my TV.
Happy New Year!
Labels: 5 man gang, Christmas, CN4A, emotions, friends, gatherings, new year, party, Resonance, work
Life Updates
Maybe it's just the monotony of work that left me not knowing what to post in my blog. It's just so tiring after work and I do not want to waste my weekends away, and that's why the dwindling frequency of updates of my blog.
Just a quick one of what I did for the past 2 weeks. Basically, we celebrated Wen's birthday at this Japanese restaurant, Ma Maison, at Bugis Junction last Sunday. I think the food there was really not bad, and some of the staff are really Japanese. The setting was rather cosy and the service is not bad. (They gave me a free cup of tea because my clam chowder came really late.) After lunch, we went to look at some winter clothings as some of them are heading to Korea at the end of the year. This was followed by some coffee at The Coffee Club at Marina Square. We discussed the things we want to for Christmas as well.
Last Tuesday, I went to watch Gala Premier of Cape No. 7 (海角7号） as I won some contest. Caught the movie with one of my colleagues, who also happened to my ex-classmate. Some stars spotted are the cast of the movie, Van Fan, the japanese girl who acted as Tomiko, Shino Lin, and some of the Singapore actors are Huang Yi Liang, Ye Shi Ping, Chen Hanwei, and some of the newer actors which I am not sure of their names. The story of the movie was quite good, but I felt that the movie was slightly too long and some scenes did not transit as well to the next. But overall, it was actually quite good.
On Friday, I went out with my NUS classmates. We had dinner at Ichiban Boshi at Centrepoint. The food serving was quite generous for the price I paid. Although it wasn't very cheap, but given the restaurant setting and the quality of food, I was quite surprised that the serving was really generous. We then proceeded to Starbucks for further chatting and updating of our lives.
Saturday was my company's annual party at The House located at Dempsey Road. It was a night of music, nice food, drinks, dance and stage games, speaking of which, I made a fool of myself on stage just to win some small prize. But I guess it's all in the name of fun and being sporting. I hope i can just forget that embarrassing moment.
I had my wisdom tooth removed yesterday, another of which I could not forget easily. The whole extraction process was actually ok, just that I can feel pressure exerting on me while they try to remove the tooth, and it was quite painful when the numbness had gone. There was some bleeding too, which made the whole process quite messy. I did not eat the whole of yesterday, besides breakfast, some soya milk and milk. I was hungry but I had no appetite. Hopefully, I can lose some wait this period of time. But the good thing is I will be on medical leave the whole of this week.
Labels: 5 man gang, CN4A, friends, life, party
The Weekend
I don't wish to blog about work unless something very interesting or is really worthy to blog about. Work is just the like that everyday, like one of my friends says, work is 'same shit, different days', which I have to agree.
On Friday, did some window shopping around at Tampines Mall, and watched Disaster Movie with bro. Talking about bro, I realised we get to know each other better after i consoled him during his breakup with his ex girlfriend. It was really a bad period of him, and I think since then, we 2 bachelors became quite close and look out for possible 'opportunities'. Haha.
Yesterday, I met up with 5 man gang for a crab cum
zi char dinner at some coffee shop at Ang Mo Kio. I think this is one of the most expensive dinner that I have paid for myself. You see, I seldom eat good stuff, but yesterday, I think I really spent quite a bit for crabs, some pork ribs, bun, vegetables and chicken. The chilli crab is not bad but the sauce is rather spicy. The butter one is not bad. My friends prefer the bee hoon and soupy ones, but I feel its like fish bee hoon and instead of fish, they added crabs with the soup base being the same as the fish soup with milk in it.
After that, we went walked around at AMK hub and decide to reside at a small cafe which offers very few boardgames. And so we played Taboo, Urban legend, and this balancing game which is like uno stacko or jenga but instead of blocks, we placed funnel like objects on a balancing platform. At around 11pm, we took bus back and headed to our home sweet home.
Went to gym-swim-jacuzzi-suntan today at bro's father's condo. Need to maintain shape and health especially during work. Then went to have botak jones and then we go to TM again to get some stuff.
One of my friends commented that once I am tired, I just let everything loose and not make an effort to do things or just even talk. I will just shut off all my senses and my temper seems to escalate at moments like this. I can't help but to agree. And because of this, I think I affect the moods of my friends, which in turn affect me as well. I really to reserve my energy and not exert it in the beginning and let all loose at the end of the day, so loose that I don't even care what's happening around me. I need to learn, and I hope I will improve.
Just forgive me when I turned quiet or looked bad mood-ed. I am just tired and shut off, really.
Labels: 5 man gang, friends, gatherings, reflections
The Wheel Needs a Job
I am starting to get worried. I think I have doing nothing for too long. I really need to concentrate in finding a job, as the lack of finance support is really draining me out. I have been going out too often too, which contributes to the draining of the money.
Last Friday, I met my NUS class people, for a mahjong session at Weian's house. It's really fun meeting this people up to talk about the old days, and to continue teasing each other. And most importantly I won 10 bucks from the mahjong session, something that seldom happened. Anyway it was really a worthy afternoon spent, (though the time can be better spent on earning money or looking for a job). After the mahjong session, I went to meet up with my NUS OG people at Woodlands (yes, all the way in Woodlands). Jiasheng brought us to this Tze Char stall at Marsiling Industrial Estate. The food was really good. There's deer meet, vegetables, mushrooms, fish, pork, and most importantly the Yi Ping Guo, which was a pot of soup with abolone, Fish maw and other chinese herbs. It was really really good. The thought of it already made me salivate and drool! After the nice dinner, we settled ourselves at McDonalds' and talked. We talked about Yuhui's marriage, and Zhi Shern and Vivien getting married next year, about the work as teachers. Its really pleasant to able to reminisce with these guys!
Saturday was another busy day for me cos I was out early in the morning for tuition, after which I had a haircut at Tampines mall. I then bought lunch home for my granny and myself, and did some internet admin stuff, before going to school. I was supposed to help Charm with the editing the photos, but in the end I could not do much as I was not really proficient in photoshop. In the evening we had a really really long full dress rehearsal and I was in school till 11.30pm. Thanks to Andrew for the ride home and hope the car worked well after having to squeeze the other 5 of us in your car. Haha.
Sunday was another day when I was out the whole day. Met Lix and gang for her birthday treat at Waraku at Marina Square. The food there is not bad, and we had chicken cutlet don meal, salmon sashimi, chawanmushi, etc. After that we went to coffee bean to drink coffee and Kim showed us some of the DS lite games including Professor Layton and the curious village. She showed us some of the puzzles in the game which made us all scratching our heads to search for answers.
After that, I went to Tampines Mall to meet up with my JC band gang. We had a nice dinner at Swensen's, spent a nice long time talking and taking photos, before going back home. I realised it's been a long time since I last seen them, and we did have a lot to catch up with.
Met up with Mervyn at Simei for lunch at Sakai Sushi. Haha. Thanks for the treat. I owe you big one. Will pay back when I found a job.
The past 2 days have been either home or school practising for VO III. A few good news. The concert is sold out!! All thanks to your help!! And 8 of my NUS classmates are coming to watch, FINALLY! Haha! Thanks to Mervyn and his friends for supporting as well.
This blog is really quite long. And I realised I did not have describe the events taking place at the end. Maybe I should blog often.
I really hope I can find a job real soon. Wish me luck!!
Labels: 5 man gang, CN4A, friends, gatherings, horn gang, life, Xenus gang
The Whirlpool
Before you know you are in one big whirlpool, you will be dragged deeper and deeper within, so deep that you can't even swim out of it...
I am now in a stage I haven't been before, its' not a really fantastic thing, but it's not that bad either. I just really don't what to expect from this. It's not about work. The whole situation is like a roller coaster ride, where you be at the highest point at one moment, and at the next, you would be screaming while falling with the pull of gravity.
I really hope to get an answer soon, not from anyone, but from myself. I really hope I know what I am doing.
That aside, I am just so glad I have handed in the dreadful individual design report which sucked dry my sleeping hours, and made me go to school even on a Sunday, and from before the sunlight touches the earth, till the moon takes over the lonely sky. I am just glad it's over for, although there will still be a 100 page group report due, 1 other report, 3 tests, 1 presentation in the next 4 weeks. FYP presentation's over as well, which is as dreadful. I think I didn't do that well. A B+ for my FYP would really be a blessing.
One comforting issue is that people DO appreciate my poster, although I wasn't nominated for best poster. It's really glad to know people were talking GOOD things about it, without my knowledge but of course. I was like passing by my own poster to get to the other side, and I heard mumblings about why my poster wasn't nominated. And also, thanks to some of my friends for giving me additional confirmation when they tried to get their friends to vote for me although my poster wasn't nominated. But of course, I bet those votes will be void. Haha. Really appreciate my classmates too who also tried to get people to vote as well.
I REALLY LIKE MY FRIENDS!!
But on a sadder note, I tend to neglect others whom I have left aside due to my deadlines. I know those are no excuses, but I really hope to seek forgiveness. I will not make empty promises but I will really try to make up time for you guys. You know who you are.
And to that special someone, I really hope everything will just work well... (PS: Don't read too deep within this sentence, AND DON'T GUESS!)
Been in a crazy mood these 2 days, maybe due to the hysteria resulted from the individual design project. Everything would be back to normal real soon.
This, I can promise.
Labels: friends, life, school
Why Complain?
I was at the Singapore Complaints Choir gig at the Arts House last evening, with the company of Suhui, Jiayan and Charm Yik. Basically, the choir is part of the Singapore Fringe Festival by The Necessary Stage, an outreach programme to allow arts to be more accessible to the public. Sadly, due to some complications with the police, and also due to the content of the performance, all public performances are canceled and only 2 performances on Sat and the other 2 on Sun, were on at the Arts House, and it's a 'By Invites Only' event.
Nevertheless, the show went on, and they went on complaining about issues in Singapore, with a humour twist but of course. The tune was composed by our dear Alan Chong, and the lyrics were contributed by the singers of the choir. Other familiar faces caught were Aziah, one of the singers, Shin Ni, and Caleb.
After the event, I think Singapore really needs to open up a bit. The choir is really harmless and it's also a Singaporean thing to complain, just that it's now in the form of art. The public will then find this idea interesting as they can find something to relate to. The main complication comes in as foreigners and PRs are involved in this event, that's why the police denied the choir of its public performances. Seriously, I don't see the point why non-Singaporeans can't complain about Singapore. It's not as if they are doing any harm.
Anyway, after the gig, we (Azi went home early) went to Joshua's 21st birthday. A typical birthday party with lots of people around, therefore we, including Yeow An and Joy, entertained ourselves with food, beer, games and forfeits where the loser had to do jumping jacks in the middle of the room.
So that's how my Saturday went away.
Labels: friends, party, Resonance, reviews
Losing Friends
As we grow up and the environment we are in changes, be it the change of school environment, activities, the neighbourhood or some other reasons, we will gradually be in lesser contact with friends we normally hang out with. This is inevitable, as people have to move on and when new friends are made, we tend to forget our old ones, maybe not totally, unless we make an effort to keep those we are really close with.
We tend to make excuses that we are really busy with either work, school, girlfriends, boyfriends, that we can't find time to spend with friends. I am a victim of such excuses. I admit there are times, when I do lack time management ability and have to forgo meeting up with peeps I haven't met for ages. And before you know it, you are never in contact with them anymore.
Well it's rather sad, but it's the truth. We do lose friends we thought we'd never lose as we proceed through the journey of life.
I recently bumped into a couple of my secondary school friends on the bus. We were rather close together during secondary school days, but since JC, it seems we have less contact with each other. And when we met up again, the atmosphere seemed rather cold and lack of topics to chat about.
Nevertheless, I am glad I am still in contact with some of my old and close friends from primary school and JC. We plan outings, eating sessions, birthday celebrations, KTV sessions, Zoo outings, overseas trips and what-nots.
It is really cliche but it takes two hands to clap. For a relationship or friendship to last, it really requires all parties to be involved as much as possible. It can be tiring, especially when work ties us down, but take gatherings or meeting ups as times to relax and destress.
It's the process of growing up and it's inevitable that we will lose some good friends around. That's why I really try to meet up with friends I am still in contact with, especially those that clique very well. Who knows probably in the future, we will still be going out together, maybe not that often, but frequent enough to not lose them. And who knows some friendships will just be happy memories and will just relinquish.
Labels: friends, life, reflections
