Starting Anew?
It’s already the 5th day of the New Year and I should feel excited, fresh, all ready to strive for 2009. But I am feeling all but that. I seriously need to clear my mind, and should think what I want to achieve for 2009, and not feel useless and complain about my current situation.
First, I need to have better communication with my colleagues. One reason why I enjoyed working at the previous company is because I can relate very well with the people whom I worked with, even though the work can be really monotonous. We can joke, laugh, feel pissed, and gossip among ourselves. That spiced up the boring working environment quite a bit. However, at my current company, I feel cold and lonely. Gone were the days where I was able to laugh, joke and tease like no one’s business. Maybe the current working environment is more appropriate as it is after all, a place of serious business. Anyway, I feel that I just don’t ‘click’ with the people around.
I am feeling all these probably because I have nothing much to do these few days. The projects I have done are finished, halted or handed to another colleague. To some, it’s a good thing after all to be able to take a break and not do anything. It may be good if this lasts for a couple of days, but it can get on your nerves when this carries on for a few weeks. The work I have been doing are all ad hoc and not related to my area of expertise.
Regarding the issue of being able to ‘click’ with my colleagues, I think I just have to step out of my comfort zone and start to communicate, be it work on non-work related stuff, more often. I really need to pick up a skill or two from Merv. He always seems to be able to click with his colleagues and the people around him.
Well, stepping out of the comfort zone and being pro-active will be one of my resolutions for 2009. But, how am I going to carry that out more specifically? I guess I just have to smile more, greet more and be more of myself.
Moody issues aside, it was quite a filled weekend for me. Last Friday, I met up with Derek to celebrate his birthday, together with Oops. Too bad Charmy couldn’t make it, but we indeed had a great time with the Mac’s Mega Challenge and the desserts at the Japanese restaurant at PS (can’t remember exactly the name). As usual, funny poses were struck, photos were taken and posted on facebook.
Saturday was really a busy day for me as I had to attend 2 weddings, one of which was my cousin’s and the other was Jason’s, my ex-colleague from ERM. Since I need to ‘open wedding car door’ for cousin, I need to reach his house at 6am. That is absolutely early, but I did get an angbow for good luck. Haha! Then by noon, I had to rush to Jason’s wedding lunch at Marina Mandarin. It was also a pleasant meet up with some of the ex colleagues from ERM. After lunch which ended at around 3.15pm. I went home to wash up and freshen up for the evening dinner banquet. I was supposed to help out as the reception for my cousin’s wedding banquet, thus I was there early. The whole dinner ended rather late, and by the time I reached home, I was totally bushed.
The two weddings I have attended on Saturday were quite different. The one at marina mandarin was grand and more western oriented, English love songs played over the sound system throughout the lunch. Whereas for my cousin’s wedding, it was Chinese oriented, where Chinese pop ballads were broadcasted, and there was even a mini karaoke session. The latter was something I haven’t seen at a wedding before.
Sunday was less busy, as I went for dinner with my friend at Tampines Sakae Teppanyaki. It was not bad, but not fantastic. Then we went to catch Ponyo at the Cliff by the Sea. It was actually quite good. It’s directed by Hayao Miyazaki, who also directed Japanese anime like My Neighbour Tontoro, Spirited Away and Howl’s Moving Castle. I enjoyed the magical, child-like and innocent feeling created in the movie. The drawings were much simpler and ‘cleaner’ as compared to Spirited Away, more similar to Totoro. It was also different from recent cartoons, and the pace was slower and yet the message was portrayed loud and clear. And the music is composed by Joe Hisaishi, who also writes the music for Totoro, Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke, and Tae Wang Sa Shin Gi (The Story of the First King's Four Gods, the drama series acted by Bae Yong Joon). I really recommend this if you haven’t had the chance to catch it.
This seems to be a really long blog, because I wrote this over a few hours, while doing other things as well. Anyway, my other resolution is whenever I want to sigh or say ‘haiz’, I will replace it with ‘haha’. So the next time if you catch me on MSN sighing on ‘haiz-ing’ away, remind me to change it to ‘haha’. This is one way to make me a more positive person!
Labels: emotions, feelings, friends, life, movie
2009 New Year Resolutions?
I think one of the new year resolutions that everyone should consider and make is to look back at the previous year's resolutions and make sure that most, if not all, of the resolutions have been fulfilled. I was looking through some of my friends' blogs and reading their resolutions for 2009. Then, I thought about mine. Nothing really struck me, but it is important to have something I want to achieve so that I will improve. I will think about that tomorrow (hopefully) as being in front of the television doesn't help to clear my mind to think about this carefully.
December has been a month of many gatherings, house parties, shopping and unsettled emotions. Christmas happens to be in the month of December, and that explains the shopping and all. The parties include the one at JJ's house with my NUS Chem Engin class, CN4A. And there was also the christmas chalet and BBQ at Pasir Ris PA Holiday Resort with my primary school gang. The last party was at Cheryl's house with my dear friends from Resonance. All these are captured in the photos in Facebook.
New year's eve was spent quite peacefully, with lunch with Siandy and dinner with Merv. The new year has a healthy start for me, as I went for a run in the morning.
After working for these few months, I really need to think if this engineering job suits me. Some of the people around told me that I should work for a longer period to really understand the nature of the job. Then again, I think, is it the company? The company is actually rather welfare already. Maybe it's the cold environment. I really need to think about this carefully.
Although I haven't really considered what I want to achieve for 2009, but I do know that I need to be more patient, have more determination, and not let the people affect the person I already am or change my personality. I need to be more assertive, and yet be more considerate. And most importantly, I need to have more self confidence.
Now, the issue is how I am going to achieve all that. I need clearer descriptions and directions.
Meanwhile, just let me watch my TV.
Happy New Year!
Labels: 5 man gang, Christmas, CN4A, emotions, friends, gatherings, new year, party, Resonance, work
Updates
Just a real quick updates for the past 2 weeks or so for what I have done.
Last Monday: Deepavali. Gym session at Mervyn's Condo in the morning. Lunch at Cheryl's place where we made pasta with a lot of meat, including bacon, ham, sausages, capsicum, and tomato based sauce. Cheryl made some homemade ice-cream. Evening was movie with primary school gang. We watched High School Musical. Just another feel good movie, with chirpy songs, but really cool and suave dance moves.
Last Tues
Last Friday: Halloween. After work, met up with some CN4A people for dinner, where we bumped into Sitong and Henry. Dinner was followed by chilling at Lunar (yet, again) but left early because I was super tired.
Saturday: Evening was with primary school gang again. Made a trip to downtown east to catch some halloween fever, but rather disappointing. Thus we went to this boardgame cafe and spent 2 hours playing Bang! and Saboteur.
Sunday: Gym in the morning, lunch then caught Avenue Q, a musical about puppets addressing political incorrect issues, such as homosexuality, racism and prostitution, which ended political correctly with issues of love, relationships and purpose in life all went well. Nice singing and dance moves. There was an attempt to mimic Sesame Street with familiar scenes of the children's show in the puppet musical. Obviously, it's aim wasn't to imitate Sesame Street, but just wanna use this path to scorn at everyday issues.
Life has it's ups and downs and so is mine. But I am learning to cope. It can be very tiring and many times, I just want to shut down and ignore whatever that comes. I will try to strive for what I want and be as happy as I can.
I am rather tired today, thus the sloppy expressions and down mood.
Labels: emotions, life
Do You Still Remember Me?
How contradicting it is. In my last post, I was talking how I should rely on myself and not depend so much on other people for my own happiness. But in this post, I am going talk about how we still need friends to keep us going on in this rat-raced yet monotonous life. I guess what is important is that there should be a correct balance between dependency on others and being independent and responsible for your own happiness. No man is an island, and some times, we still need friends and people whom we care and care for us to give us the slight push to reach higher peaks and carry on with life.
It is actually quite often that we get so upset and stressed in our own business, busy work or any money making activities of everyday life that we forget the other things that do make up our lives. No doubt money is important and if possible, we do want to live more than just comfortable. And I not suggesting we should just stop at any chances or opportunities to improve ourselves, to climb up the corporate ladder, or just to make more money. But once in a while, we should just pause to catch up with friends, or just to breathe fresher air.
We do get so upset with the heavy load of work or stress from bosses, or just the intolerable attitude from your fellow colleagues or project mates. It is this time that we need the people around to support us, and to soothe our emotions. It is also true that we still very much have to be dependent and take care of our own emotions, but at the same time, we need to couple our own power to heal ourselves with slight external help.
It is never easy to find these people, because either they are busy, or just because they are so uncontactable. Only recently, I was rather upset with some issues, and for a moment, I realised I have no one to turn to. I do not have siblings whom I can share, and normally I don't share these kinds of stuff with my parents. Let's call it generation gap. I really felt lost and so unmotivated. It is only this time that I need to calm my thoughts and motivate myself. It is not always that we have people around to support us, thus this is also when we need to cheer ourselves up. It is definitely ok to feel upset at this point of low moments, but what is more important is to brace ourselves up, to learn our lessons, and try to live a better life.
While we are always in need of people around to lend a helping hand or a listening ear, we do need to be there when our friends need any support too. Most of the times, we do not have to do any much or say anything to console them, we just to be physically and morally there. Just take what ever they throw to us. Relationships, be it friendship, kinship or love, it is always a two way traffic. It will never work out if such relationships are just one way.
We need to be patient when dealing with friends too. Sometimes, when we try to contact them, just to meet up or to convey any messages, they seem to disappear, or take a trillion and one years to reply. We must understand that we are not the only ones who form up their lives. But still, we cannot abuse such privileges and ignore sms-es of those people who are patient. (Hint hint) We also need to be patient and understand when friends don't seem to understand us when we feel down and neglected. Patience is definitely required by both parties in these situations.
Maybe I am feeling in a good mood that I can write such motivational stuff. Some would think that it is always much easier said (in this case, written) than done. But seriously speaking, if we never try, how do we know it won't work out at all? How would we know we would fall even before we start trying to walk? And it is through these falls that we learn how to climb and balance ourselves, so that we won't fall or fall as badly as before. Also, don't think that you will fall while trying to walk, because if you think you will fall badly, you definitely will. But don't try to run before you learn how to walk.
Come friends, if you have not met your friends for a long time, it is time to remember them. Find time to put away your everyday stress and business just to find yourself, and the people around you.
Have a good weekend.
Labels: emotions, life
Being Independant and Initiative
I think most, if not all, of my life, I have been depending on other people for my own happiness, so I will always be or react in such a way I will be very compliant to people's request, or rather, I be quite shui bian, so that people will be happy. But in doing that, I tend to forget my own truthful happiness, as in what really makes me happy. I have also been putting my own emotional support on other people, such that when that is missing or absent, I will just go into an emotional breakdown. I realised I can't just live on people's expectations on me, and I can't just be what people want me to be. I need to find a balance between people's reactions and judgment on me, and what I want myself to be. I need to think MORE of myself, than think what OTHER people would think of me.
After a few incidents in office, I have realised that, although through a rather hard way. I have no doubt learnt something from it. I really have to be strong when wrong perceptions or judgment have been made on me. When such things happen, I tend to be very upset, because I felt maligned. Luckily, others have assured me who I am, and that keeps me going on.
I also realised that I have always waited for other people to start talking to me before I start opening up. Maybe I should just make the first step and open myself (though not everything) up to people and know who the real Jeremy is, and Jeremy is not only the quiet person by the corner.
I like friends to be around, and to do that, I really to make some effort. And when things do not go right, as long as my integrity's intact and I do not harm other people, I think it should be fine. I also need to be more initiated in my work and knowing more people. It's ok to make innocent mistakes, but most important is to learn from it.
Maybe its easier said than done, but no harm trying and I never know if I'll succeed if I never try.
Emotions been on a roller coaster ride the past week, but I have grown from that. I need to take care of my own happiness and not easily be affected by situations around.
I will be strong, but I still need my friends' emotional support.
I'll be meeting my Oops gang tomorrow. How exciting!!
Labels: emotions, life
Work and Politics
Sometimes, it's not the loads of work that make one so upset and stressed. It's the politics that one has to go through that makes it all so tiring. The week that has past has really made me rather upset because of untrue remarks and judgment that were made on me. And because of this, it had made the whole situation so cold and uneasy. I am sure I am at no fault. And my other colleagues have confirmed that. I have also consulted friends on what I should do in such cases. It's only in times like this you know that who are really your friends and who are just passers-by.
I was so upset that on Wednesday evening, I went alone walking around at Orchard Road after work, something I have not done before. Usually, I would walk alone because I was waiting for someone, or I wanted to get something at Orchard. But this time, my paces were much much slower than usual, being overtaken by the majority tourists crowd. I did not have a plan. Walking aimlessly can be quite sad, but it let me cool my emotions down, and settle my thoughts properly. I haven't be so lost for quite a while. After walking for a while, I decided to take a rest and sat somewhere at Ngee Ann City facing the big square, and just gazed at people. In fact, I was just staring blankly. Then I picked up my legs again, and before I knew it, I was at borders, searching for interesting books to read. I looked at my watch for time, and decided it's time to head home after that.
It seemed to be a really useless evening, but to me, at least my thoughts were more settled after that, and I felt slightly better. At least, I know what to do next, and that is, to be myself. I have told one of my colleagues that as long as my integrity's intact and I have done nothing wrong, I should not care how others judge me.
Anyway, I met up with CN4A people again at Clarke Quay on Friday and after dinner at the Kopitiam at Central, we headed to a Chinese Pub, Lunar, along Clarke Quay. We were super early to catch the free entry and the happy hour promotion, one-for-one. The live singing started at around 9.30pm. Although the singing was only ok (I wasn't being blown away), it was still quite enjoyable. The mood got better after midnight where the place got crowded and more songs that you can dance too are being performed. After 2 jugs of beer, 4 jugs of vodka (orange and raspberry), and a bottle of red wine, we got slightly high and dance through the night, to the music of the live bad and singing. We started to head home at 3.00 am plus, and reached home at only about 4am.
The weekend was mostly at home, besides movie watching on Sat night, and tonight's Kim's brother's wedding dinner .
I just hope any misunderstandings will be resolved and work will just be manageable. Wish me luck.
PS: Somehow, I really need to brush up on my phrases and expressions. Sentences are choppy and some don't even make much sense. =S
Labels: CN4A, emotions, work
The Art of Gorging
I think I won't have any meals at Thai Express for some time. I don't know what overcame me yesterday that I began to order food that was much more that I could handle and began to put food in my mouth mindlessly even though I was already very full, like a contestant in food eating competition.
I think I shocked my dining partner.
Gorging is like drinking too much alcohol. You get a really high feeling that you think you can really eat more where if fact you can't. The aftermath? You feel bad and feel like throwing up, and feel so stupid doing the things you shouldn't have done.
I don't really want to talk about the reason why I did that. In fact, I can't pin point any.
I am having a hangover right now. =(
Labels: emotions
Lazy
I've been super lazy these few days, refusing to get my butt out of the chair or bed to do things I suppose to do, such as packing my room, do MORE exercises, blogging etc. Been playing useless facebook and online games too much.
Anyway, few events have taken place past few days. Besides going back to NUS for almost every night to practice for the upcoming two gigs (yes, I am slightly exhausted although I am not working in the noon), I have already signed the letter of employment with WorleyParsons and will officially start work on next Monday (excited!). Been for medical checkup as well (hopefully everything will go well).
Well, I have decided to blog today because today is a special day. Yes, it's 8th August 2008 (080808) and it will be the official commencement of the Beijing Olympics. In addition, it is the eve of Singapore's 43rd birthday, and it is also the draw date of 8 million dollars Toto. Haha! Yes, and this is the 1st time I bought Toto, basically just for the fun of it, and hopefully will get to win some prize money. Muahaha.
That's about my boring life. Maybe I have more interesting stuff to blog when I start work next week, or maybe I am to tired or lazy to blog since work will have started then. I will try, nevertheless, to blog about the happenings at work.
Before I leave, I wish to relate an incident which I think its quite foolish and stupid of me. Yesterday, I was at Somerset for the pre-employment medical check up. Since there's blood test, I was supposed to fast from midnight to after my blood sample was taken. So after all the check up was done, I was already super hungry. Thus, I decided to get some Old Chang Kee across the road near Heeren, and also offered to help Zijia to get some food, who was there for the checkup as well. After I got the food, Zijia was also done with her X-ray. And when I was waiting for the traffic light to turn green, I heard a voice and I saw this young lady with funky hair. She introduced herself as a trainee at Tony and Guy's and offered to help cut my hair for free. Being naturally rejective at every road approaches, and without a thought, I just rejected her offer. First, I was thinking, Zijia was hungry, so I wanted to give her food asap. Secondly, since she was a trainee, I wasn't so confident to let my hair undergo such risk. But after some time, I thought, I could have asked the hairdressing trainee to wait for awhile, while I hand the food to Zijia. Besides, the trainee wouldn't be alone, and there would be a pro hairdresser to guide. Argggg. I missed out a free hair cut at TONY AND GUY's. So dumb of me.
I sometimes wonder my ability to think.
Labels: emotions, feelings
Another Day
It's not that I didn't want to update my blog everyday, but sometimes, I have nothing much to write, or maybe just too tired to think of any things to write. Maybe I should read more, then I can comment what I have read.
Went out with Charm Yik, Meisi, Edlina, and Derek to get Suhui's present on Monday. We looked at a few watches around and finally proceeded to Bras Basah Complex to get the watch. It's really funny when we couldn't agree on the watch to get as Edlina and Meisi had very different opinions. I could almost see that they wanted to pull each other's hair. We even call Suhui to ask what kind of watch she would prefer. Finally, we got 'the one'. Suhui, you better like what we got you, or else...
We had an early dinner at Miss Clarity Cafe near Bugis. Had Porky Onions which was actually quite good. Charm had dory fillet and Edlina had salmon, which all tasted not bad.
My dad has been home for his retirement for about a week, and I am getting used to him being around at home during the day. But I am a bit worried. I am afraid he'll not get used to this doing-nothing-and-staying-at-home lifestyle. You see, my dad is a rather anti-social person. Besides work, he doesn't really like to go out or interact with other people. And when at home, he doesn't really do the housework that much. Therefore besides reading the newspaper, and sleeping, the occasional buying of lunch and the usual morning jog, he doesn't do much. I really wish he can spend his retirement more meaningfully, but he's a rather stubborn and hot-tempered person. I don't know how to tell him. He sometimes get angry even at the minute stuff. It is not that I don't want him to take a good break from work and enjoy his retirement, but it just hurts when I see him sitting on the chair, and staring at blank space.
He is not the kind who likes traveling as well. I really wish he can do something easy and spend his time more meaningfully. I am afraid without much activities, he will go bored and be even more hot tempered than ever.
I am really worried.
Well I hope he can take care of himself and knows what he is doing or has plans what he wants to do.
Going to Suhui's birthday party later. Hopefully I will have fun.
PS:
MirrorMask is actually quite a nice movie.
Labels: emotions, family, feelings
The Inner Thoughts 2
Maybe it's the lethargy and all that made me think even slightly more. I don't what has overcome me and I feel rather drained and energy deficient, that I really don't feel like doing anything at all.
I realized it takes a lot to maintain a friendship. Sometimes, it doesn't only apply to one person, but to the other people within this friendship circle. It can easily deteriorate and before you know it, you know longer keep in contact with them or be as close as before. Probably we now have too many friends and some even have their own love relationships to take care of.
It can be quite difficult to get friends out nowadays, to the extent that it can be really tiring. Attendance will never be as full as you want it to be. People are busy with work, home, boyfriends, girlfriends, whatever reasons. I am not blaming anyone, but it's just a fact.
Maybe that's growing up.
I am thinking about love too. What is true love? Can you ever find that special one? Is relationship something no one is ever sure of? You meet one whom you think is the special one, you go out with her or him, and realize she or he isn't that special after all. Or is love something that can be cultivated and requires tolerance from both parties.
I really don't know.
I am going out later again. But I am feeling the laziness all over me.
The New Year will be a better one, I hope.
Labels: emotions, feelings, life, love
