The Search of Sense of Achievement
Just something that came to my mind on my way home just now.
I was wondering why the lack of enthusiam and energy at work is so prominent. Then I figured probably that's the absence of the sense of achievement in the work I do. And with this absence, I don't feel motivated to do anything. Any work done just brings in more work, and if no problems arise, it's more of a sigh of relief rather than a sense of achievement. This vicious cycle just tires me down.
I wonder does everyone experience this absence or the problem just lies with me? Probably I should reflect on my own mentality. Maybe it's just the nature of engineering job.
I think more likely it's the latter.
Labels: work
Ups and Downs
Life certainly has its own ups and downs. The week that has just past was a terrible one. I really felt that my work life has hit a low, probably because of the project and the ever demanding client I am dealing with. It has really made me feel if I was suitable for this kind of job at all.
But the work has also made me think what kind of person I am. Am i someone who will back up and quit when difficulties arise? Am I not able to take hardship, stay back late and just cry when more work comes?
While feeling stressed and upset with the actual work, I was thinking my attitudes at the same time. Is it because I don't really like the work I am doing and that makes me feel the what I feel? Or it's just my attitude that I have to change and things won't work out well if my negative attitude towards work do not rectify.
But what I do know is that I must do something, and quick, either to change my attitude, or to find something I think I am suitable in. I need to find that kind of energy that made me feel better when I faced the same kind of depression during my university days. At those times, somehow I wasn't really doing well in my studies, and my grades were going down the drain like no one's business. I was depressed, running away from my friends after the examinations, because I knew I just couldn't myself with them. But somehow, I tweaked my attitude, or thinking, and although my grades did not top the cohort, but I certainly did well enough (in my own terms) and things just got better.
I was talking to Siandy on Friday night, (we met up for dinner), and I guessed she was right in certain ways. Work isn't everything and my results in work were not to judge what kind of person I was.
I guessed I just need to try my best, and yet do not expect the best outcome in the things I do. And if the outcome is good, that will be a bonus. I also think I should not be so afraid of working hard and late (though I feel I have worked quite hard already), but it certainly needs time to get used to that thinking.
I still fear what's to come on Monday, but I guess I have to face it anyhow.
Thanks to the peeps who have talked to me during these few days. Appreciated.
The rest will be up to me.
Labels: life, work
Crazy Hectic Week
I haven't had the time to post about KL since I came back on Saturday night. Well in short, it's a lot of shopping and cheap food. Photos will be up soon in FB I hope.
It's been a crazy week at work, especially on Thursday where I have a crazy meeting from 9am to 6.30pm. Beat that man. And have to work till about 9pm. And on Friday, despite the crazy tummyache in the morning, I have to go to work and work till 7pm though I am supposed to end work at 12.30pm. And still, I have to bring some work back to finish. And I am not talking about a mega project I am working on. Oh well. That's life I supposed.
Today's Halloween. I was supposed to have find some costumes to go to any clubs to have some fun. But plans changed. I guess it will just be a normal Saturday night for me.
Working so hard and not feeling well at the same time (on Friday) made me think a bit. I realised that I really have to take care of myself and no one would show any concern at all. I smsed my boss that I'll be slightly late for work due to frequent visit to the toilet, but still I have to clear as much work.
I am really such a wimp who always needs so much attention and concern and I think I really need to realise that only me who show concern for myself and I am only one who will take care of myself.
'Nuff said. I need to clear some errands.
Labels: life, work
Bad Times
Times are really bad. You have heard it in the news. But you never know it is actually happening until it just occur right under your nose.
People in the company are getting laid off. The atmosphere is heavy and dark.
But admist the gloomy layer, we need to be strong and be positive. It ain't easy. No one said it is. But it is the optimism we need to help us all get over. We still things to do and we still have a life to live on.
Hopefully, they are handling it well.
Labels: life, work
1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and 5...
It was quite an eventful week. Though the stuff I have been doing during work last week wasn't really in my job scope, it was an experience too. Probably, these were part of the job that were not described or put out clearly. Nevertheless, the experiences were pleasant.
On Monday and Tuesday, I was still doing environmental monitoring to look out for any sea mammals that were affected by the blast. So far, no dolphins nor turtles were affected by the blast, but I did see a couple of dead fishes and one very hyper fish which jumped high out of the water and almost onto the boat I'm on. Throughout this period of monitoring, I wasn't alone. I was with a co-worker from another environmental company who was actually the person doing the monitoring. The whole process of monitoring was actually very boring, because usually there wasn't anything much to see. But having another person on boat (besides the boat driver) made the job a whole lot of difference. Maybe my co-worker cum observer have a lot of things to talk about, and there are also a lot of things to learn from her, not just about work, but about the life in general. We chatted on issues from the mysteries in the world, stage productions, movies, the simple things in life, and many other things. We also shared the different perspectives of things in life, that we each might not have thought before. It was really a pleasant experience, and that's why I always said that most of the times, it's the people you work with that makes the work less boring.
I had to skip the monitoring because I had to attend a first aid course, from Wednesday to Friday. Yes, another stuff that has no relations to my job. But because I was appointed the office first aider and since I do not have prior first aid training, I had to sign up for the course.
Well, though it proved to be of no direct connection to my work, it was proven useful to simple daily life. The 3-days course covered topics from cuts, CPR, bandages, choking, and so on. I have also got to talk to my fellow classmates and somehow, I felt that my ability to interact with different kind of people. It was indeed a fulfilling lesson in first aid as well as in life.
Next week, I will be back to the office environment. Hopefully, there are new discoveries I have not had the chance to discover before. And I have also realised I have not worn my office wear for more than a week already.
Labels: life, work
2009 New Year Resolutions?
I think one of the new year resolutions that everyone should consider and make is to look back at the previous year's resolutions and make sure that most, if not all, of the resolutions have been fulfilled. I was looking through some of my friends' blogs and reading their resolutions for 2009. Then, I thought about mine. Nothing really struck me, but it is important to have something I want to achieve so that I will improve. I will think about that tomorrow (hopefully) as being in front of the television doesn't help to clear my mind to think about this carefully.
December has been a month of many gatherings, house parties, shopping and unsettled emotions. Christmas happens to be in the month of December, and that explains the shopping and all. The parties include the one at JJ's house with my NUS Chem Engin class, CN4A. And there was also the christmas chalet and BBQ at Pasir Ris PA Holiday Resort with my primary school gang. The last party was at Cheryl's house with my dear friends from Resonance. All these are captured in the photos in Facebook.
New year's eve was spent quite peacefully, with lunch with Siandy and dinner with Merv. The new year has a healthy start for me, as I went for a run in the morning.
After working for these few months, I really need to think if this engineering job suits me. Some of the people around told me that I should work for a longer period to really understand the nature of the job. Then again, I think, is it the company? The company is actually rather welfare already. Maybe it's the cold environment. I really need to think about this carefully.
Although I haven't really considered what I want to achieve for 2009, but I do know that I need to be more patient, have more determination, and not let the people affect the person I already am or change my personality. I need to be more assertive, and yet be more considerate. And most importantly, I need to have more self confidence.
Now, the issue is how I am going to achieve all that. I need clearer descriptions and directions.
Meanwhile, just let me watch my TV.
Happy New Year!
Labels: 5 man gang, Christmas, CN4A, emotions, friends, gatherings, new year, party, Resonance, work
Growing Up
I remember when I was young, I always wished I could quickly grow up, so that I do not have to study, or get scoldings and beaten by my parents, or do my homework and go to tuitions.
Now I wonder why do I have to grow up. There are responsibilities to bear when you grow up, there are seemingly so many complicated situations you have to face, and so many emotions I have to go through.
But these are the things that make one stronger, more mature and well, more grown up. I have learnt many things from these complicated situations, of how to handle your relationships with your family, and with your friends. I have also realised that being an only child, I can't possibly rely a lot on other people, or deposit my emotions on others, like how I used to when I am young. I have to be really strong on my own and be independent.
I know I have mentioned somewhere, sometime before. I just have to constantly remind myself.
Work's been more or less ok. A couple of site visits to a FPSO and another site to see how pipelines are being laid makes my desk-bound work slightly more interesting.
Madagascar 2 is entertaining and funny.
Some has said I look less chirpy as before. I don't know. Maybe I just need some boost of energy.
Labels: life, work
Work and Politics
Sometimes, it's not the loads of work that make one so upset and stressed. It's the politics that one has to go through that makes it all so tiring. The week that has past has really made me rather upset because of untrue remarks and judgment that were made on me. And because of this, it had made the whole situation so cold and uneasy. I am sure I am at no fault. And my other colleagues have confirmed that. I have also consulted friends on what I should do in such cases. It's only in times like this you know that who are really your friends and who are just passers-by.
I was so upset that on Wednesday evening, I went alone walking around at Orchard Road after work, something I have not done before. Usually, I would walk alone because I was waiting for someone, or I wanted to get something at Orchard. But this time, my paces were much much slower than usual, being overtaken by the majority tourists crowd. I did not have a plan. Walking aimlessly can be quite sad, but it let me cool my emotions down, and settle my thoughts properly. I haven't be so lost for quite a while. After walking for a while, I decided to take a rest and sat somewhere at Ngee Ann City facing the big square, and just gazed at people. In fact, I was just staring blankly. Then I picked up my legs again, and before I knew it, I was at borders, searching for interesting books to read. I looked at my watch for time, and decided it's time to head home after that.
It seemed to be a really useless evening, but to me, at least my thoughts were more settled after that, and I felt slightly better. At least, I know what to do next, and that is, to be myself. I have told one of my colleagues that as long as my integrity's intact and I have done nothing wrong, I should not care how others judge me.
Anyway, I met up with CN4A people again at Clarke Quay on Friday and after dinner at the Kopitiam at Central, we headed to a Chinese Pub, Lunar, along Clarke Quay. We were super early to catch the free entry and the happy hour promotion, one-for-one. The live singing started at around 9.30pm. Although the singing was only ok (I wasn't being blown away), it was still quite enjoyable. The mood got better after midnight where the place got crowded and more songs that you can dance too are being performed. After 2 jugs of beer, 4 jugs of vodka (orange and raspberry), and a bottle of red wine, we got slightly high and dance through the night, to the music of the live bad and singing. We started to head home at 3.00 am plus, and reached home at only about 4am.
The weekend was mostly at home, besides movie watching on Sat night, and tonight's Kim's brother's wedding dinner .
I just hope any misunderstandings will be resolved and work will just be manageable. Wish me luck.
PS: Somehow, I really need to brush up on my phrases and expressions. Sentences are choppy and some don't even make much sense. =S
Labels: CN4A, emotions, work
Getting Used
One of my friends have told me that when I have started working, I would not want to turn on the laptop when I reached home after work, because I have already faced the com the whole day in office and that is somehow rather energy draining, that explains the lack of updates of blog.
Anyway just a quick updates of what happen recently. I can't even remember what I have written in my previous blog. Anyway, finally I met up with the horn people last Sunday, where we settled our dinner at Pizza Hut and had some drinks and small snacks at Ya Kun. Conversations revolved around buying of houses, investments and marriages. Yes, very adult issues. The signs of growing up.
Last Wednesday was a bowling competition organised by company at Safra Mount Faber. Though I was no bowling expert, I took part in the end. We had fun, no doubt, knowing more people slightly better from my company. My scores were rather pathetic, but I think I had fun anyway.
I made a check at previous blog and saw that I did not blog about the 21km Army Half Marathon. Yup. Something got over me and I took part in the full 21km run. It was a way to remind me to keep fit, and also to challenge myself. The timing is no doubt very bad, but hey, at least I completed the run, somehow. Haha!
Work's ok as I getting more used to my working environment. There are still room for improvement for my familiarity with the people around and being myself. I also attend technical writing workshop organised by my department, and I have learnt about writing and about the English language itself. Hopefully, I can learn more from work and of course everything will go on smoothly.
Wish me luck.
Labels: life, work
History Making Moments
Technically speaking, everyday is actually a history making moment, because no one moment at any point of the time is the same as another one. Well, trash aside. Last week was indeed a week where history is worth re-written, in a few aspects. Starting with Singapore's sporting history, last Friday, Singapore secured a place in the finals of the Women's team table tennis, against China. Although chances of winning the gold are slim, it is really not an easy feat to make it into the finals. Moreover, they are competing in the homeground or the birth ground of table tennis, thus the stress would be there. In addition, its the first Olympics medal since 48 years ago, where a Singaporean weightlifter got the very first medal for Singapore. Although this week, Li Jiawei could not beat China's top 2 seed and had to settle for fourth place once again in the women's single, it was really not easy, as it is a physical and very much a mental game as well. Though the controversy about Singapore Sports Association's foreign talent project of hiring sports people from overseas and making them Singaporeans, well at least we do not complain that now Singapore have a medal in place since independance.
From this sports event, we can also see upcoming possible Olympics medallist such as Feng Ting Wei and Tao Li. Both are still young, and they should world class results during this Olympics. Hopefully, they would not let us wait another 48 years to get another medal, and hopefully, it's a gold one.
Singapore's history aside, Resonance's history was re-written once again on last Wednesday when Reso won the A cappella championships open category for the 1st time and was the overall champion, (which means they are better than the college group category winner, and thats why they won). I think they put up a good performance, with a showcase of good singing and showmanship. But seriously speaking, I feel this is not the best they can do, due to many factors such as stage fright and the choice of songs. Nevertheless it was a job well done, and it definitely gave good reasons to call for celebrations.
Last Monday was the first day of job ( so another history re-written cos technically, this is my very 1st full time job, not counting IA). Everything had gone on fine. The people in my department have been good and kind and patient so far. 1st week of work was slow so that I can get accustomed to the surrounding. I admit. The working environment was slightly quiet for my comfort, but it is a working place after all, so I shouldn't comment more. Hopefully, this is what I want to do and where I want to be.
Just some updates, last week evenings were busy with pracs with Reso for Lyndley's church gig on last saturday. It went rather well, though some songs did not seem as nice as we could have done, and our last song (Kiss the girl) was cut due to lack of time. But we did receive positive comments and one of the twin sisters (either May or Choy, can't differentiate) from the movie (881) commented that we were good, so I guess it wasn't that bad after all.
I am really getting lazy even to just go online after work every night. I must do something about it. Meanwhile, let me slack a little. Haha.
Labels: life, Resonance, work
